What is it all about?

Two years ago I've started a journey that changed my life and the perspective view of my existence. I have discovered a brand new world and built a new conception for 'what can I do' in my life. Everything started three years ago when my father was in hospital for heart problems and I used to visit him every day for a little talk. For almost one month I re-thought my life and decided take actions for change the way I was living. Needless to say I was very disappointed with my life. It is said that we do have choices and the answer of the most questions would be the love. But I found myself without too many choices and realized that I could not understand love because my mind was set-up in fear not in hope. I didn't see any way that a set-up-in-fear mind could found a path to love and than I noticed that I had started wrong. After a while thinking about the well known questions 'who am I', 'From where do I come from' and 'What is the meaning of life' I discovered that I knew nothing and that I wasn't brought up to know about how the world or the life works, I was brought up to survive and that is all. I think that most of my generation in my country was brought up in the same way I was. The things just happen and we never ever ask 'why' for things that come across us, we just understand that we do have to change some things in order to interact with the environment. But the problem in 'to do not think in philosophical way' is that we will never be able to change anything. In that way we are going to born and to die just for the struggle – how nihilist it is. Well, I am not able to give any argument about what is the value of the existence in a general way. I can just talk for myself. I am not intending to talk what is right or wrong, it is not the point I am looking for. I am just saying that for me, there is no reason for live a life just worrying about the death, just worrying about how to survive, because, we all know, the death is certain. In that point I had a 'click' I wasn't raised to understand, I decided that I would live my life dedicated to understand, to know, I would become a learner. But I did know that I wasn't ready to start to know because my mind was with a lot of fear yet and it hasn't been set for learn. And I started in this way, accepting that I knew nothing in accepting that I would looking for learning. I would set-up my mind to be a student, a full-time student and I would try understand as much as it possible, in a philosophical way and even in a day-by-day activities. Following my thoughts I plot a plan to open myself in a path of learning. I would work near 80 hours a week (and attending college as well) to save money to travel and create a time to find myself. Now more than two years after I came out from my country I still do not know anything, I have not got any answer for the questions for 'who am I', 'From where do I come from' and 'What is the meaning of life' (the last one I tried to get from the ideas of Monty Python's movie but it was worthless) neither I have got answers for any existential question. But in this time abroad I do have grown, I do have changed and I do have enjoyed, and some of the things I have seen I would like to share. Here is my blog, where you will find a bit of everything. I will write about the books, movies, places and happenings that I have seen or known. I will share my views and what I have learned. I hope that, for those who like to spend a little of time reading what I put down in words, it is as enjoyable as it gets. Of course I would like to know opinions from readers. It would be delightful and it would be very important to improvise the ideas and visions that I have here and, off course, I am opened to get corrections about the subjects and grammar mistakes as well (I have just started to learn English thirteen months ago). To finish I would like to write down a cheap self-help philosophy I know that worked to me when I was on my way to break down my fears and get start my adventure: 'It is much worth live and die for one thing you believe than live and die for one thing that you do not believe or neither want to.' - I won't credit this phrase just because I do not remember from where it comes from.